Episode 221
E 221: Reclaim Your Life from Narcissistic Parents with Agatha Peters
In this episode, we sit down with Agatha Peters, founder of Beautiful Sunshine Therapy and author of Trapped in Their Script: Reclaim Your Life from Narcissistic Parents & Cultural Expectations. Agatha shares her personal journey of navigating the challenges of narcissistic parenting and cultural expectations, emphasizing that therapy is more than a profession—it’s a calling shaped by lived experience.
Our conversation delves into the transformative power of therapy, the importance of recognizing harmful familial patterns, and practical strategies for those hesitant to seek help. Agatha offers guidance on self-reflection, building supportive connections, and breaking free from cultural stigmas surrounding mental health, affirming that healing and happiness are accessible to everyone.
Listeners will gain insights into:
- How personal experiences can shape a therapeutic calling
- Identifying and addressing unhealthy familial and cultural dynamics
- Strategies for beginning a healing journey, including journaling and self-care
- The critical role of cultural sensitivity in therapy
For more information and support, you can visit Agatha’s website at Beautiful Sunshine Therapy, follow her on Instagram, or purchase her book here.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to reclaim their narrative, navigate complex family dynamics, and embrace the journey toward emotional healing.
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Transcript
Well, good morning, everybody, and welcome back.
Speaker A:Today we have with us Agatha Peters.
Speaker A:She is the founder of Beautiful Sunshine Therapy and the author of the book Trapped in Their Reclaim youm Life.
Speaker A:From Narcissistic Parents and Cultural Expectations.
Speaker A:Agatha worked with individuals from diverse backgrounds facing a wide range of mental health challenges in her private practice that she witnessed the profound, lasting impact therapy can have on people's lives.
Speaker A:For Agatha, therapy is more than a profession.
Speaker A:It's a personal calling.
Speaker A:Her experience.
Speaker A:She has experienced the healing power of therapy herself, and she is passionate about helping others discover the same transformation.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker A:Welcome, Agatha.
Speaker A:How are you?
Speaker B:Thank you, Tommy.
Speaker B:Thank you for having me.
Speaker B:I'm doing well today.
Speaker B:How are you?
Speaker A:I am doing great.
Speaker A:I'm glad we finally connected.
Speaker A:We've been trying, kind of going back and forth, trying to get hold of each other, and sometimes life happens, Right?
Speaker B:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker A:So you are a therapist now, correct?
Speaker B:Yes, I've been in my own private practice now for a few years and expanding, actually, so I'm very excited for that so I can do a little bit more writing.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Where are you in the world?
Speaker B:Well, I am in Portland, Oregon.
Speaker A:Okay, Okay.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker A:I like to ask people that because sometimes I forget to ask them.
Speaker A:And then the other day I asked someone and I was like, we were trying to connect, and I said, well, where are you in the world?
Speaker A:And they're like, oh, I'm in Africa.
Speaker A:And I was like, wow, what time is it?
Speaker A:It was like, midnight their time or something crazy.
Speaker A:And I was like, I'm so sorry.
Speaker A:They're like, no, you popped up on my schedule.
Speaker A:It's all good.
Speaker A:So I guess that's part of working from home, right?
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So you went through a gamut of mess with the narcissistic parents and all of your experience.
Speaker A:You went through poultry and cultural early.
Speaker A:That's a tough one for me to say.
Speaker A:And then you became a therapist.
Speaker A:Do you think that you became a therapist because of that?
Speaker B:Oh, absolutely.
Speaker B:There was a lot of.
Speaker B:Well, there was a lot of loneliness for me, feeling isolated because of the experiences I went through.
Speaker B:Just.
Speaker B:There was a great deal of cultural obligations, too, that comes into play where you feel as though regardless, even though you see the abuse happening and you know there is something wrong, but it's also normalized in a way.
Speaker B:And I. I did try therapy myself.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:I think, partly when I became a therapist.
Speaker B:I sat on someone's couch, too, when I was 18 years old.
Speaker B:And I think that therapist was one of the first people that pointed that There was something wrong in my upbringing, and I did not want to hear it.
Speaker B:I was not ready to hear that.
Speaker B:But.
Speaker B:And I think that helped me, in a way, start to understand, okay, maybe there is something going on.
Speaker B:But I still ignored it because of, again, loyalty culture.
Speaker B:You know, there's a great deal of that that makes it where you.
Speaker B:You just have a blind eye and a blindfold on through it all.
Speaker A:So we actually did a summit in December, and it was called Shattering the Stigmas.
Speaker A:And it was really interesting.
Speaker A:And I think I had like 45 speakers on there, and they all talked about a stigma of some kind.
Speaker A:And one of the girls that was on there talked very much about the stigma between mental health issues and in her culture.
Speaker A:She said, we don't go to therapists.
Speaker A:Like, you're.
Speaker A:You just need to suck it up.
Speaker A:Stop being such a baby.
Speaker A:Like, talk.
Speaker A:Talk about that.
Speaker A:Because I know in.
Speaker A:In every culture and so many, it's like weak.
Speaker A:If you have a mental illness or you have a.
Speaker A:You're struggling mentally, it's conceived as weak.
Speaker A:But talk about people like, if you.
Speaker A:Let's say, I mean, what got you to therapy, even though you knew there were these cultural, like, this is not right.
Speaker A:You gotta just get over it and hide the family secrets or whatever it is.
Speaker A:Talk about how you would encourage someone to go or what they could do.
Speaker B:That's a really big, huge thing there for our, like, collective cultures in general, too.
Speaker B:I wish I could say there was something in my gut that just told me to go to therapy, but absolutely not.
Speaker B:I was in college, and one of my college professors had said something along the lines, like, you, you also have to be you.
Speaker B:It's important for you to check yourself before you sit and be able to talk to other people.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I was like, really?
Speaker B:So it's almost like you need to check your own stuff before you can start to sit there and diagnose and look at others and all that.
Speaker B:So that's really what drew me to going.
Speaker B:And then I didn't stop.
Speaker B:And with my, what maybe first.
Speaker B:Second session, I just.
Speaker B:There was so much that came out.
Speaker B:I knew I needed that.
Speaker B:I needed that space for the first time someone actually heard me and make sense of it.
Speaker B:It just In a way that never I couldn't for myself.
Speaker B:So that's what made me go.
Speaker B:So I wish that.
Speaker B:So it is big in our culture.
Speaker B:It's a huge.
Speaker B:I've seen a lot of people do the work, great work as those therapists, but are actually not checking themselves too.
Speaker B:And that's what.
Speaker B:In what can call us counter transference a lot in our field, when you're not able to actually heal your own wounds, you know, you can.
Speaker B:You can kind of mess that up for.
Speaker A:Well, you can actually.
Speaker A:Yeah, you can traumatize your clients even more if you're just projecting your own pain onto them.
Speaker A:You know, that's why I wasn't even a coach for many, many, many years, because for the longest time, I couldn't tell a story about my experience without breaking down and crying.
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker A:So I realized that, you know, every time I told my story, I was healing a little more.
Speaker A:But I'm like, I'm not going to have somebody come in and sit on my couch, me, be projecting my pain onto them.
Speaker A:I'm supposed to be their support system.
Speaker A:And of course, there's nothing wrong, even as a therapist or a coach or whatever, with sharing stories and that vulnerability.
Speaker A:But it's different.
Speaker A:It's different when you have control, that you can show that, you know, you can be sad and then pull yourself out of it, that you can go through anxiety and you have tips for them to deal with their own anxiety.
Speaker A:No, I totally get what you're talking about.
Speaker A:And that is why I think.
Speaker A:I don't know, especially, like, in the coaching realm.
Speaker A:I don't want to.
Speaker A:I don't want to say anything.
Speaker A:I mean, coaching is magnificent.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:But you.
Speaker A:You want to be.
Speaker A:You want to be selective in your coaches and make sure that.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Make sure they're farther enough along in their healing.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because we all carry.
Speaker B:That's what drew us to the profession to begin with.
Speaker B:That's why I love the work that I do, because I've been through it, I've healed from it, and I can see it.
Speaker B:You know, I can.
Speaker B:I can help my clients better in that way and how, you know, it's unfair for that client to sit there and know that they're actually.
Speaker B:You're getting treatment from someone that hasn't done the work themselves.
Speaker B:It's not, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So with.
Speaker B:With that stigma, I think a lot of it is just try it.
Speaker B:Just go walk through it as though you are building a friendship, you know, and not everyone is supposed to be your friend, and that's okay.
Speaker B:Same with therapy, right?
Speaker B:Like, just try one session.
Speaker B:I tell people, give it at least three.
Speaker B:But, you know, work through it in the lens of just building friendship, making connection, and see what happens, you know, See what happens.
Speaker B:And the great thing, too, I think, for me is in Terms of finding someone first that was not from my culture made me feel less.
Speaker B:Lack of better word, being, you know, naked because you feel like, oh, someone is going to see you and know you in that culture or something.
Speaker B:But finding someone and in our profession, everything is confidential, especially, you know, but nonetheless, it might feel that it's like, shameful, if that's.
Speaker B:That makes sense.
Speaker A:Yeah, it does.
Speaker A:And there is so much stigma around it.
Speaker A:And that's really what I coach people is to, you know, we're reaching down and we're reaching so deep and getting past all the wounds and getting past all this stuff and at the end of the day, getting past what people think about us.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Stop caring what people think.
Speaker A:You have to know, it doesn't matter what stigmas are out there.
Speaker A:It doesn't matter if your grandma and her great grandma and her great, great, great grandma and they all had their own traumas.
Speaker A:That's their problem.
Speaker A:They didn't get them fixed.
Speaker A:Yeah, you know, you got it.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's all true.
Speaker B:And, you know, healing, I, you know, a lot of my clients, I say, well, if you can't even do it for you, do it for your kids, do it for your partners, do it for, you know, so sometimes it just takes someone else that we know love us and care for us, that we don't want to traumatized because we've been through it, you know, so, yeah, so do it.
Speaker B:Find some, Something that, that, that does it for you, that pulls you to.
Speaker B:To getting help.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker B:Not us.
Speaker B:And that's okay, you know?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Because at the, you know, I always say in the beginning, you're really.
Speaker A:You want to feel better, but at the same time, you don't feel like you deserve to feel better.
Speaker A:So sometimes that's, you know, there is, like you said, a lot of the guilt and the shame.
Speaker A:So, you know, I remember the first time a therapist told me what a therapist therapist cost, and I was like, who am I to spend that kind of money on me?
Speaker A:Like, I got a family.
Speaker A:Like, I got this, I got that.
Speaker A:I got other things I need to spend my money on.
Speaker A:But, you know, then it.
Speaker A:Then it was like, okay, if I'm not there and I'm not present and I'm not where I need to be, my family will never be.
Speaker A:They will never.
Speaker B:Yeah, never.
Speaker B:It's much cheaper than divorce.
Speaker B:It's much cheaper than medical checkups.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It can be cheaper than the other damages that can cause not getting that help.
Speaker B:So it's worth it.
Speaker B:I think everybody, if you Can.
Speaker B:And if you can't, then, you know, use insurance.
Speaker B:Insurance is also there.
Speaker A:Exactly, exactly.
Speaker A:So you deal with all ages, all everything.
Speaker B:So typically my clients are 17 and up.
Speaker B:I serve.
Speaker B:But yeah, so I, I mean, I've had clients up to 60 something plus and you know, but mostly women.
Speaker B:A lot of people of culture are drawn to me for obvious reasons.
Speaker B:I am an immigrant.
Speaker B:I can, you know, move from my culture.
Speaker B:My country, Nigeria, when I was 14.
Speaker B:And so I have immigrants.
Speaker B:Russians, Mexicans, all.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:West Africans, so many in, in my caseload.
Speaker B:And I just love it.
Speaker B:Just that cultural connection.
Speaker B:It's just there's so many similar similarities.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:And it's just, you know, it's like finding a coach.
Speaker A:When I always say to people, find a lived experience coach.
Speaker A:And they're like, what is a lived experience coach?
Speaker A:I'm like, somebody that's been through what you've been through.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:When I went, when I went looking for a coach, I went looking for a trauma informed coach who grew up with alcoholic parents or addicted parents or, you know, like you, you probably, you probably resonate so much better with a therapist or a coach or whatever it is who had narcissistic parents.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And that's what I would look for.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And I think with therapists, which oftentimes Westerners don't always feel comfortable, but for us in these cultures, just connecting a bit with your own story.
Speaker B:Don't have, you know, not doing, you know, everything out there, but just a little piece of who you are helps people also understand, like, okay, I'm not alone in this and are they a good fit for me?
Speaker B:That's the whole point of being a good fit for, you know, a client.
Speaker B:I've had someone tell me, well, you don't, you know, I, I had to out myself and say, well, you know, I don't work with people with substance.
Speaker B:They like, well, mental health and substance and all go together.
Speaker B:I'm like, actually, you're completely right.
Speaker B:And that's why I do the referral process.
Speaker B:I have to make sure you seeking help.
Speaker B:But I work with the mental health part of the things, you know, the anxiety and depression that might be troubling you while connecting you with someone with substance.
Speaker B:I wish I could do everything, but I can't.
Speaker B:And I wouldn't be serving you well.
Speaker A:And I have, I have a lot of respect for people that I like to just call it staying in, staying in their lane.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:You know, I mean, I'm, I say that all the time.
Speaker A:I was just Talking about someone that, to someone today, if someone comes to me and they lost their spouse and they are going, you know, can't get out of bed and going through that, that level of depression, I can help them with anxiety.
Speaker A:I can help them with depression.
Speaker A:I've never lost a spouse, so I cannot put myself in their shoes.
Speaker A:So I'm like, okay, well, here's, Here's a number to a grief counselor.
Speaker A:Here's a.
Speaker A:She lost her husband.
Speaker A:Here you go.
Speaker A:You know, it's, it's very different, but you probably, I want to jump in because you, I'm sure being with what you do, you deal with, probably everybody has some level of anxiety, depression, stress.
Speaker A:What are some tips that you.
Speaker A:Let's say somebody is not going to a therapist, but they know they probably could.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:What are some tips just to kind of start you out or jump start maybe their healing process that you could give for just general stress or anxiety.
Speaker B:Okay, so my, That's a great question too.
Speaker B:My clients with that work with me really get to know journaling a great deal.
Speaker B:So that's one of the things we do.
Speaker B:And, and sometimes people have difficulties knowing what topic to even write about or what to write about.
Speaker B:You know, if you're in therapy, I, I work it around our session.
Speaker B:Okay, what we ended.
Speaker B:And then you can continue your healing throughout the week versus just my one session with you.
Speaker B:But if you're not in therapy, just start writing.
Speaker B:Just, you know, whatever.
Speaker B:At the end of the day, especially when you're feeling overwhelmed and, or, you know, with all the stress from the day before you go to bed, instead of opening that screen and looking through Instagram, just start to write.
Speaker B:Just put whatever it looks like might not make sense, but just put it down on paper and close the book and see what that feels like.
Speaker B:Journalism has helped me a great deal.
Speaker B:It's helped me even start to make sense of what I was experiencing.
Speaker B:You know, experience in life with Anarch is just put in.
Speaker B:Okay, does this make sense for me?
Speaker B:Oh, okay, that was a lie.
Speaker B:That was.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So, you know, you just kind of.
Speaker B:It's almost like a proof you can go back to, because sometimes we're lied to so much or we're made to believe that false reality so that, you know, they, they sort of create this false reality for us.
Speaker B:So journaling helps a great deal.
Speaker B:And then for clients with depression, honestly, just, it's summer here anyways, and maybe around the world as well, but just doing something that maybe you've always wanted to do, try just you know, for my clients, I even tell them, five minutes, walk.
Speaker B:Just go outside, go do something, get air.
Speaker B:Do something that feels, you know, new for you sometimes can help.
Speaker B:Gives you a sense of empowerment.
Speaker B:I did it.
Speaker B:I wanted to do it.
Speaker B:I had a client take swimming that really wanted to swim, but they travel everywhere but never swim, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I'm doing it.
Speaker B:Can you imagine?
Speaker B:I can actually do this thing.
Speaker B:I'm swimming, like, see?
Speaker B:Like, yeah.
Speaker B:I felt so empowering to them, you know, to be able to do that.
Speaker B:So do something for yourself that you wanted to do.
Speaker B:So go.
Speaker B:That just sort of helps.
Speaker B:Like, just.
Speaker B:And even if it's five minutes once a day, just get out.
Speaker A:I always.
Speaker A:I say that, you know, it's like, sometimes I'll just take a deep breath, breath in, and I'll be like, what do I want right now?
Speaker A:What do I need right now?
Speaker A:Sometimes it's to go walk my dog.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's to lay on the couch and cover my head with a blanket, just.
Speaker A:And relax.
Speaker A:And it could be, you know, but if you just sit there and you kind of get in tune with your body and you say, you know, what would make me feel good right now?
Speaker A:Like, right now I feel good, but if it was 10 minutes from now or we're done and I'm sitting, I'm like, what would make me feel good right now?
Speaker A:It might be to just go sit on the side of my pool and dangle my feet, whatever it is, but start to listen to it and.
Speaker A:And don't feel bad about it.
Speaker A:Just get up and do it.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Doing something for you.
Speaker B:And so, you know, again, you feel selfish doing it.
Speaker B:But it's really important to just take that time.
Speaker B:That's why I think, like, journaling doesn't feel so.
Speaker B:So much because you're like, okay, it doesn't feel like I'm being selfish, but I can.
Speaker B:At the end of the day, it's like reading a book and, you know, or, you know, getting going on a walk.
Speaker B:But, yeah, right about that.
Speaker B:Listen to your body, what it needs.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And even with the journaling, if people get.
Speaker A:And a lot of the people that I've had feedback from on this podcast are very new into the whole healing thing.
Speaker A:They just grab.
Speaker A:They get grabbed by the adult child of dysfunction by the title of the podcast, and they jump on, and they're very new.
Speaker A:So if you don't have, you know, like you said, word vomit, it's literally just sit down and start writing.
Speaker A:But if you don't, you can go on chat gtp.
Speaker A:You can just type in on Google and put.
Speaker A:What are some journal prompts to start off journaling and it's going to give you a million.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:That might feel overwhelming, but yes, just picking one, just pick the first one.
Speaker A:Or the first one that resonates with you.
Speaker A:You know, you might go get to the first one and it might say, well, what could have gone better today?
Speaker A:And you're like, no, I don't want to do that.
Speaker A:I want to be positive.
Speaker A:So you look at the next one and it might say, what are three things you're grateful for today?
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker A:Just go with it.
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker A:Because once you start that, you will just start what I call word vomiting.
Speaker A:You won't even know what you're writing.
Speaker A:You just, just write.
Speaker A:Just start writing.
Speaker A:So you also.
Speaker A:So thank you.
Speaker A:That was helpful.
Speaker A:And I like to keep.
Speaker A:I.
Speaker A:We probably talked about it before.
Speaker A:I like to throw in some tips, some things that people can just jump right in and do because not everybody is comfortable enough to go to a therapist or to go to a coach.
Speaker A:And, and so I want practical tips.
Speaker A:So I appreciate that you talked about your.
Speaker A:I guess it wasn't really an aha moment, like a big slap in the face like, I need help.
Speaker A:But you said that your professor said something that kind of not triggered you, but made you realize that you really do have to look at yourself and look at what happened to see if maybe there is some trauma there.
Speaker A:A lot of people grow up with parents and they.
Speaker A:It's all they know.
Speaker A:What they grow up with is absolutely all they know.
Speaker A:But what are some signs that you might be dealing with an unhealthy family or a narcissistic parent or just someone that is.
Speaker A:That gave you problems.
Speaker B:You're never enough.
Speaker B:You don't feel enough for them.
Speaker B:You don't really feel like you can do anything right.
Speaker B:And, you know, it's pretty.
Speaker B:Then you internalize that for such a long time that that's what's repeated to you.
Speaker B:There's not, you know, you feel invisible.
Speaker B:You, you know, but then it's, you know, does it again.
Speaker B:When we're in a collective culture like ours, that's the whole point.
Speaker B:You're supposed to be in a collective feeling and not be individualized, but then you feel so.
Speaker B:And you know, there, you know, there are different forms of punishment in our culture that is very acceptable that, you know, I talked in my book, I talk about being raised in an authoritarian way and versus the difference between these narcissistic parents versus when the kids start to get older, they can actually leave that sort of role of parenting to a more authoritarian.
Speaker B:Saying it right now, mistaken in the boat, but a more authoritative sort of approach, which is more communication, much more openness, more dialogue.
Speaker B:But with narcissists, they don't really let that go.
Speaker B:They still feed through that.
Speaker B:The obligation that you needed, you give so much, but it's never enough.
Speaker B:And you're even told that, that, you know, you can't do anything right, there's a great deal of abuse that continues throughout your years.
Speaker B:It doesn't mean here, stop for you.
Speaker B:So I think that's a huge sign there.
Speaker B:And you know, for us, I think we know, you know, when, when, when we, we can normalize it as much as we want, but, you know, you know that there is pain going on.
Speaker B:And same with relationships.
Speaker B:When I tell my clients, love.
Speaker B:Love is not supposed to hurt.
Speaker B:Parents are not supposed to hurt you.
Speaker B:You're just not supposed to.
Speaker B:They should make everything feel so much more better.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Like that.
Speaker B:That's why.
Speaker B:That's a lot of why we became parents.
Speaker B:You know, it's.
Speaker B:So if they're causing you harm, then, yeah, love is not so good.
Speaker A:No, no, it's definitely, Definitely not.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So if you're out there and you're listening and you're just kind of thinking, wow, yeah, I do get those feelings.
Speaker A:You know, sometimes I, I feel like nothing is ever good enough.
Speaker A:I can't do anything right.
Speaker A:I can't.
Speaker A:You know, another.
Speaker A:Some of those are.
Speaker A:Other are that you don't trust your instinct.
Speaker A:Like if somebody says something and it gives you kind of that gut feeling like, oh, that doesn't feel right.
Speaker A:You ignore that.
Speaker A:That's another sign that it wasn't so, you know, because you were taught to ignore it.
Speaker A:You were talked to push it under the rug to not have those emotions, to not feel those feelings.
Speaker A:So a lot of, you know, that turns into a lot of the people pleasing and just having people violating your boundaries and not being able to say no and all of those things that just come.
Speaker A:Basically, it all boils down to that general feeling of, I'm not enough.
Speaker A:I'm not good.
Speaker A:You know, there's a, It's.
Speaker A:It's like I said, there's a difference between doing something and feeling guilty and then doing something and, and, or being shameful.
Speaker A:And you should, if you hurt somebody, you should feel guilty about it, but it doesn't make you a bad person.
Speaker A:You Did a bad thing.
Speaker A:So it's just the messages are so mixed when you grow up in that kind of neglect or abuse.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And, you know, ours, everyone makes it seem like, well, you can't really go anywhere because when you go, you're like, well, that, you know, you know, that's typical.
Speaker B:You're supposed to, you know.
Speaker B:Yeah, I thank my kids too.
Speaker B:I did.
Speaker B:But they didn't mind.
Speaker B:We know they use the about and all the, you know, like all the things that might.
Speaker B:So they don't know the contents of that.
Speaker B:And even if they did, they may be.
Speaker B:Oh, you know, maybe some.
Speaker B:So there's a lot of the protection of the others that make it seem as though what you're experiencing is very.
Speaker B:It sometimes feels very dismissed.
Speaker B:And there is a lot of.
Speaker B:I've had it worse.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:And you know, when we do that to people, it just really prevents people from getting help.
Speaker B:It's not.
Speaker B:There's no.
Speaker B:You can't compare people's sorrow.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:We can't do that.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:And everybody reacts to things differently.
Speaker A:Everybody have.
Speaker A:Has a different layer of resiliency.
Speaker A:Some people, you know, their parents could have been horrible, but they had a best friend that saw them through it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that could be the difference between growing up and feeling not worthy or not.
Speaker A:If your friend was there to help you process that and process those emotions, then maybe that didn't get stored as trauma because she walked you through it.
Speaker A:But if you didn't have.
Speaker A:So every single person is the same.
Speaker A:But I. I tell people, if you're not where you want to be, if you're not living happy, if you're getting those gut feelings of just tension and not happiness, then it.
Speaker A:There's something worth exploring, if nothing else.
Speaker B:Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker B:Do it for yourself, do it for your health, do it for your kids, do it for whatever.
Speaker B:But, you know, just so you can keep moving.
Speaker B:You know, it is really important to listen to your body and living in.
Speaker B:In pain and just to please people.
Speaker B:My goodness.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker A:And it's funny because I've done so much work on myself, but there's one issue that I know is just holding me.
Speaker A:Like, I know it's holding me back.
Speaker A:And it's so funny because I have one of those AO voice bio frequency scanners.
Speaker A:I don't know if you've ever heard of them, but it literally analyzes your voice and it, I mean, 95, 98 of everything, every disease, everything has an emotional stem to it somewhere so this little frequency thing analyzes your voice, and it literally will pick up everything.
Speaker A:And I laugh every day because I wake up in the morning, I'm like, I do my stuff.
Speaker A:I do my.
Speaker A:You know, but every time I run this scan, it picks up on that one thing that I'm just.
Speaker A:That if I think about it, it just makes my stomach clench.
Speaker A:It's so funny.
Speaker A:And it always will say things to me about that.
Speaker A:And I. I laugh so hard because I'm like, I'm trying, so.
Speaker A:But it's.
Speaker A:It's something that will.
Speaker A:Cause I need to make a big shift in order to change it.
Speaker A:And I'm just.
Speaker A:Again, that's why I say to people, are you living or are you thriving?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because if you're standing here today, no matter what you've been through, you are, my friend, a victor.
Speaker A:You're a warrior.
Speaker A:If you're standing here today because you've survived.
Speaker A:If you've survived the narcissism and you survived the neglect and the beatings and the abuse and the assault, you're.
Speaker A:You're a warrior.
Speaker A:But now it's time to thrive.
Speaker A:Now it's time to let go of all the other things that are still creeping in and still taking hold.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And it's just funny because I. I laugh and.
Speaker A:I don't know, I just.
Speaker B:Being in the other side is so much better.
Speaker B:I mean, and that's the.
Speaker B:The thing where you mentioned there's continuous growth in our life.
Speaker B:Just because you've worked through, which I'm sure you have, it doesn't mean that there are other things that won't come up.
Speaker B:But the great thing is, you know, that now you know, this is the.
Speaker B:This stuff I can.
Speaker B:I can manage and keep going.
Speaker B:But the other things, maybe you couldn't have, you know, but you still recognize it and say, I. I need.
Speaker B:I need to do this.
Speaker B:But I will unpack this at some point.
Speaker B:So, yeah, it's become.
Speaker B:Even for me in the profession.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:When I do know I need to see a therapist, I will.
Speaker B:I definitely make my.
Speaker B:You know, for me, it's sort of like a.
Speaker B:A doctor's appointment.
Speaker B:If you need to see one code.
Speaker B:We're constantly wanted to heal.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:That's part of life.
Speaker B:We should want to be better.
Speaker B:The other side, once you get there, you just feel like, oh, wow, this could have been me all along.
Speaker A:Like, yes.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:Yeah, you're not meant.
Speaker B:That story was not meant for you.
Speaker B:That was not supposed to be it forever.
Speaker B:Let's let's create another chapter of your life that can, you want to, to live in and enjoy.
Speaker B:And you know, for some people, they don't even know what that feels like to like.
Speaker A:And it can start, start whenever.
Speaker A:Doesn't have to.
Speaker A:You know, if you're 50, 50, 60 years old, I mean, I'm 56.
Speaker A:If you're sitting here going, oh, I'm 50, it's too late.
Speaker A:It is never too late, my friend.
Speaker B:Yeah, I have kept a bunch of 50 something year olds.
Speaker B:They're like, my gosh, how can this people affect me this much?
Speaker B:Like it's been this, you know, my parents, how can they have so much impact on my life?
Speaker B:It's, I'm 50 and I'm still experiencing the same stuff.
Speaker B:Like that's not, you know, so I try to help them make sense because you know, you think as you grow older you're gonna get, you know, life is, yeah, I'll get wise, I'll get back, you know, all of these things.
Speaker B:But we're emotional beings that we hold on to a lot of things.
Speaker B:Even if we try it out, everything, our physiological response, all of this, our body does not forget.
Speaker B:And so our brain, any things that trigger it gets us back to that childhood stuff that we experienced that we quite did not heal from.
Speaker B:So yeah, never too late.
Speaker A:Never too late.
Speaker A:So that would be my best suggestion is, you know, first of all, just see, just be curious, ask yourself, you know, am I living my best life?
Speaker A:Are there things that are, am I resentful about anything?
Speaker A:You know, because those are the things that eat you up.
Speaker A:Those are the things that cause the, the health symptoms.
Speaker A:And you know, I remember I was talking the other day, we were talking about the cost of like what something cost.
Speaker A:And when I was 18, I had bleeding ulcers and was vomiting blood.
Speaker A:Not really that healthy, but it was all from chronic stress.
Speaker A:It was from.
Speaker A:I know what it was from, but I didn't know that then.
Speaker A:And I figured out over the next 15 years I put into like a thing trying to figure out what it cost me taking like two, one a day vitamin or one a day Nexiums and 15 Tums chewables a day for 15 years.
Speaker A:And I'm like.
Speaker A:And the thing came out, it caused it, said it cost you $15,952.
Speaker A:But what it really cost you was years of your life of quality time and, and doctor's appointments and missed work.
Speaker A:And I'm like, okay, chat dtp.
Speaker A:I didn't ask for a session I just asked for a number.
Speaker A:Like, are you for real?
Speaker A:But prevention.
Speaker A:And just, you know, and like you said, just baby steps and just.
Speaker A:It's continuous.
Speaker A:It's just every day I want to be a little better.
Speaker A:You know, just say to yourself, every day I want to be a little better than I was yesterday.
Speaker B:Yeah, you're right.
Speaker B:You're right.
Speaker B:And yeah, it's never too late.
Speaker B:A lot of people, too, they come to my couch when they all of a sudden become parents themselves.
Speaker B:Because it's amazing how we.
Speaker B:We get triggered by our kids where all of a sudden, oh, my gosh, are we our parents?
Speaker B:Are we.
Speaker B:Are we.
Speaker B:We're all that.
Speaker B:We're doing the same thing.
Speaker B:No, I know.
Speaker B:You know, so those.
Speaker B:Sometimes that's what it takes is having, you know, it shouldn't be that.
Speaker B:You know, it shouldn't be.
Speaker B:Ideally, shouldn't wait that long.
Speaker B:But sometimes that's what we end up seeing ourselves as people that we never wanted to see ourselves at.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker A:And that's a whole nother episode.
Speaker A:We talk so much.
Speaker A:Like, we could go on and on about that because I know there's so, so many people that come to me are beating themselves up.
Speaker A:Like, you know, their kids are 5 and 6, and they're just still, you know, now just really trying to wrap their heads around things.
Speaker A:And I'm like, you can't go back.
Speaker A:So the best thing you can do for your children right now is to continue to heal, because they're going to see a happier you.
Speaker A:They're going to see a you now that knows how to communicate.
Speaker A:They're going to see you that, you know, and all of that is healing them, no matter what.
Speaker B:So it ends.
Speaker B:And you know that you're right.
Speaker B:That's what they're going to remember from now on, that you actually take an initiative to get home that makes you so much different from the one who injured you.
Speaker B:You are getting home.
Speaker B:So, yeah, that's how we human generations, we start from ourselves first.
Speaker A:Yeah, you got it.
Speaker A:Well, this has been super fun.
Speaker A:I. I hope.
Speaker A:Yeah, I hope you do more of these and come on and guest on more shows and everything else.
Speaker A:You're a natural.
Speaker A:So if people want to find out about you want to.
Speaker A:I'm going to put everything in the show notes, but what is the best place for them to reach you?
Speaker A:Agatha?
Speaker B:Oh, beautifulsunshinetherapy.com so that's the name of my practice is Beautiful Sunshine Therapy, or my Instagram as well.
Speaker B:Beautiful Sunshine Therapy.
Speaker B:So everything is just.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Places to find me.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Well, I love it.
Speaker A:And can you leave the guests or the listeners?
Speaker A:You're the guest.
Speaker A:Sorry about that.
Speaker A:With one last parting words of advice or something I can carry with them throughout the day to make their day a little brighter.
Speaker B:Well, you're good enough.
Speaker B:You are good enough.
Speaker B:You are amazing.
Speaker B:We, you know, remember that.
Speaker B:And, yeah, talk to someone.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:It's okay to talk to someone, whether it be you're someone that you trust that necessarily needs to be a therapist, but a trusted person that you can just be yourself with.
Speaker B:So, yeah, you're good enough.
Speaker A:Perfect.
Speaker A:So thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:And for everybody else out there listening, you heard it.
Speaker A:You are enough.
Speaker A:How many times?
Speaker A:I end my podcast by saying, you are way more than enough right here, right now, as you are.
Speaker A:So with love and light, guys, I'll see you back next week.
