Speaker: 00:00:02

Welcome back to another episode of

Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful

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conversations with our guests and

turn them into practical strategies

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you can use right here, right now.

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So if you haven't listened to my

episode with David Dean Haskell,

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author of Wounded Angels and Inner

Child Unleashed, I encourage you to

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go back and listen after this episode.

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David shared something,

that I absolutely loved.

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reaction feels much bigger than

the situation in front of us,

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it usually is because something

much older has been touched.

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And I thought, "Oh my God, yes,

exactly," because that's one of

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the biggest misunderstandings

people have about healing.

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People come to me all the time

with, say things like, "Tammy,

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I don't know why I get so upset.

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I don't know why I couldn't stop crying.

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I don't know why I shut down.

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I don't know why I get so angry."

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They assume something is wrong with them.

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But what if nothing's wrong with you?

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What if it's just your nervous system

simply trying to finish a conversation

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that started many, many years ago?

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Here's what I teach my clients.

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There are events, and then there

are meanings to those events.

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The event today might be tiny.

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Someone forgets to text you back.

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The spouse sounds irritated.

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Your boss gives you constructive feedback.

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A friend doesn't invite you somewhere.

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Those are today's events that

happen every single day, but your

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nervous system doesn't always

seem to react from today's event.

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It reacts to yesterday's meaning, meaning

if you spent your childhood feeling

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totally ignored, being out, being left

out today doesn't just feel disappointing.

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It feels completely familiar.

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So if you were constantly criticized

growing up, your mom was always telling

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you you were doing something wrong, when

you get constructive feedback from your

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boss, it doesn't just feel uncomfortable.

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It feels dangerous.

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If love was unpredictable, and you always

had to earn your peace and earn your

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love, silence doesn't feel peaceful.

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It feels like abandonment.

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That's why your reaction seems

so much bigger than the moment.

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Guys, you've heard me say it so

many times, time and time again.

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When you were little,

everything feels big.

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So if you are living from the past when

you were little, it's going to feel big.

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One of my favorite things that David

talked about was how triggers often

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point us back toward your younger

selves, and I completely agree with that.

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But here's what I wanna take

just a little bit further.

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I don't want you to fear

your triggers anymore.

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I want you to become curious about them.

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Stop looking at them with judgment

because every single trigger you have,

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it's nothing more than information.

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It literally contains all the

information you need to heal.

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So instead of asking yourself this dreaded

question of, "What's wrong with me?"

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Those four words that I think

ought to be taken out of the

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English vocabulary completely.

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Start asking yourself, "What is

this reaction trying to protect?"

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It's a completely different question, and

when you start asking it, it's going to

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change you, the way you look at yourself.

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If I had to give this a name, and you

know I love giving things a name, I

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would actually just call this becoming

the detective instead of the judge.

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Most of us judge ourselves immediately.

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What do you say to yourself?

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You go, "Oh my gosh, I

shouldn't feel this way.

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I'm overreacting.

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I'm too sensitive.

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No wonder nobody likes me."

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Sound familiar?

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Yeah, we've all said

those things to ourselves.

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But instead, I want you to

put your detective hat on.

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Ask yourself, "What happened?

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What did I make that mean?

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And more importantly, when

have I felt this before?"

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Notice I didn't ask, when did

this start, because sometimes you

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don't even know when that started.

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Sometimes your body remembers

long before your mind does.

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So here's something I

want you to try this week.

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Simple exercise.

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The next time you notice a big emotional

reaction, just pause, take a slow breath,

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and ask yourself these three questions.

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Number one: What just happened?

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Number two: What is the story

I immediately tell myself?

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And number three, and this may

seem really strange to you, but

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how old do I feel right now?

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The last question surprises almost

everyone, because you'll often

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realize, "I don't feel 57 years old.

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I feel 8, or I feel 12.

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I feel 5.

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I feel like that scared little kid

who believed they weren't enough."

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And that is incredibly invaluable

information Because honestly, once

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you realize that your eight-year-old

self is driving the bus, you can

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lovingly invite your adult self

back into the driver's seat.

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Healing doesn't happen

because you get triggered.

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Healing happens because you stop believing

every trigger is telling you the truth.

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The trigger is not your enemy.

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It's a messenger, and if you stop

fighting it long enough to listen,

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it may show you exactly where your

next layer of healing is waiting.

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David also shared something

that I hope sticks with you.

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He reminded us, "Don't

give up on yourself."

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I couldn't agree more.

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Healing isn't about pretending

your childhood never happened.

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It's about refusing to let it

write the rest of your story.

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I talk all the time about how when

I was a child, I used to feel like

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somebody else was writing my story,

and I wasn't holding the pen.

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But now I am a grown-ass adult,

and I get to hold the pen to this.

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I get to write the rest of my

story, and so do you, my friends.

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You get to write the rest of your story.

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So if this episode resonated with

you at all and you're kinda tired

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of reacting in ways that you don't

understand, I would love to help you.

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During my complimentary clarity

and calm call, we'll be identifying

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the survival patterns your nervous

system learned years ago and, more

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importantly, how to start changing them.

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Or if you're just curious about maybe

what chronic stress did to you and how

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you might be communicating through these

patterns through your body, I also offer

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a complimentary AO Biofrequency scan demo.

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We can explore your body's stress patterns

and talk about practical next steps.

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You'll find both links in the show notes.

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But before you go, I want you

to remember this: your trigger

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is not proof that you're broken.

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It's proof that a younger part of

you is still waiting to be heard.

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So until that time, take care of yourself,

be gentle with yourself, and remember,

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healing begins the moment curiosity

becomes stronger than self-judgment.

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I'll see you next time.

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Take care, and I love you guys.

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Have a good day.