Episode 374
E 374: Tammys #47: What Is Your Behavior Trying to Protect You From?
Why do we keep doing things we know aren't helping us?
Maybe you drink to relax.
Maybe you reach for food when you're not hungry.
Maybe you disappear into your phone.
Maybe you procrastinate, overwork, people please, isolate, shop, shut down, or stay so busy that you never have to sit with what you're feeling.
Then comes the judgment:
“Why do I keep doing this?”
“Why can't I just stop?”
“What is wrong with me?”
But what if that's the wrong question?
In my conversation with Colleen Clifford, author of Life Beyond the Binge, she said something that applies to so much more than alcohol:
“There's a story beneath our behavior.”
That's what we're exploring in this week's Tammy's Takes.
For many adult children of dysfunctional families, behaviors that look unhealthy, frustrating, or even self-sabotaging today may have once provided something important:
Relief. Escape. Comfort. Control. Connection. Reassurance. A dopamine hit. Or simply a way to avoid feeling something that felt too difficult to feel.
Instead of immediately asking:
“How do I make myself stop?”
I want you to begin asking:
“What is this behavior doing FOR me?”
Because when we remove a behavior without understanding the need underneath it, that need doesn't necessarily disappear. Sometimes we simply find another way to meet it.
In this episode, I'll show you how to start identifying the story beneath your own patterns by noticing what happens immediately before the behavior and asking what you're actually needing in that moment.
We'll also talk about why one setback doesn't erase your progress, how the inner critic can turn one difficult moment into shame, and why curiosity can create change where self-judgment keeps us stuck.
Colleen offered another beautifully simple question during our conversation:
“How is it working for you?”
Not whether the behavior is “good” or “bad.”
How is it working for YOU?
Is it creating the life you want?
Or is it costing you your peace, relationships, health, confidence, time, or connection with yourself?
This week, instead of asking:
“What's wrong with me?”
Try asking:
“What is this trying to do for me?”
Because when you understand the story beneath the behavior, you finally have an opportunity to work with the pattern instead of spending your life fighting yourself.
💜 DO YOU KNOW THE PATTERN... BUT NOT THE WHY?
Maybe you already know you people please.
You know you procrastinate.
You know you overthink, shut down, numb, overwork, or repeatedly end up in relationships that leave you feeling the same way.
You know what you're doing.
You just don't understand why you keep doing it.
That's exactly the kind of work I love doing.
Book a FREE Clarity & Calm Call with me. We'll talk about what's showing up in your life and begin looking underneath the behavior at the beliefs, experiences, and survival patterns that may still be influencing you today.
You don't have to come to the call knowing the answer.
Finding the answer is part of the work we can begin doing together.
