Episode 323
E 323: The Mind-Body Connection to Healing, Confidence & Resilience with Kym Coco
How do you rebuild yourself after loss, grief, anxiety, or a major life transition?
In this deeply meaningful episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction, Tammy sits down with author, speaker, yoga teacher, and founder of Swagtail Yoga, Kym Coco, to explore how movement, mindfulness, breathwork, and nervous system regulation can help us heal.
After experiencing profound loss following her husband’s illness and passing, Kym shares how sports, golf, yoga, structure, and simple daily practices helped her regain confidence, reconnect with herself, and move forward with purpose.
Together, Tammy and Kym discuss:
✔ Nervous system regulation and healing after grief
✔ Anxiety, overwhelm, and the mind-body connection
✔ Why movement helps emotional healing
✔ Breathwork techniques to calm the nervous system
✔ Building confidence through small daily actions
✔ How to stop feeling stuck and create momentum
✔ The power of mindfulness and staying present
✔ Kym’s PIVOT framework for emotional resilience and confidence
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, anxious, stuck, or struggling through a difficult life transition, this conversation will remind you that healing happens one small step at a time.
Sometimes healing isn’t about giant leaps. Sometimes healing starts with one breath, one pause, and one tiny pivot.
CONNECT WITH KYM COCO
Instagram: @swagtailyoga
Website: www.swagtailyoga.com
Pinterest: pinterest.com/swagtailyoga
YouTube: @SwagtailYogaVideos
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/swagtailyoga
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As an international inspirational speaker, NLP Practitioner, Trauma-Informed Coach, Neurofit Trainer, and Best-Selling Author, I bring both deep personal experience and professional training to the work I do. I believe in prevention, not just intervention — and use a body, mind, and spirit approach to guide others toward becoming the happiest, healthiest versions of themselves.
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Transcript
Well, hello, everybody.
Speaker A:Welcome back to another episode of Adult Child of Dysfunction.
Speaker A:Today we have with us Kim Koko.
Speaker A:She is an author, speaker, and founder of Swag Tale, a peak performance company helping women build unshakable confidence through sport and play.
Speaker A: cing a major personal loss in: Speaker A:Welcome, Kim.
Speaker B:Hi, Tammy.
Speaker B:Thanks so much for having me.
Speaker B:It's a pleasure to be here with you and your listeners to talk about confidence, to talk about wholehearted living and what it looks like to start small and build momentum in the direction we like for our lives.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Because that's what we need to do.
Speaker A:We need to keep moving forward.
Speaker A:And so many people get stuck in that stagnant complacency, like, it's not so bad kind of era, and that is not the place to stay.
Speaker B:No, we like to thrive, and it's our natural birthright.
Speaker B:And I. I find our souls start to suffocate when we're not moving in a direction that is satisfying.
Speaker B:And I think I really enjoy that word satisfying, because it's small steps, it's making progress.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be the end all, be all, big, glamorous picture.
Speaker B:It's the movement that matters, as you just said.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:And you talk a lot about movement because I think I read somewhere you used the tennis and you use sports as a way to kind of get you out of your funk and.
Speaker A:And deal with your loss.
Speaker B: husband, Steve, became ill in: Speaker B:And that caused us to immediately shift our priorities.
Speaker B:I've learned in reflection that I had to do three things.
Speaker B:One, cut what didn't matter, simplify our lives, keep only what gave us energy, especially since my bandwidth became very limited as a caregiver.
Speaker B:Second, connect in meaningful ways that meant me filling up my own cup, like putting on my oxygen mask before the person next to you on an airplane so that I could be my best self and help Steve and then continue to create.
Speaker B:So during that time when Steve was ill, I had to create very special foods for him.
Speaker B:And I thought, well, I'm going to make it fun.
Speaker B:I started a cookbook that helped me kind of gamify the process, create, do something interesting, something that expanded me in a time where it could have looked very narrow.
Speaker B:When Steve was ill, he said, girl, you're gonna need some structure when I'm gone.
Speaker B:And I thought, man, that sounds harsh.
Speaker B:Yet he was right.
Speaker B:I am a free spirit.
Speaker B:I like to travel, I like to adventure.
Speaker B:And in a time that can be very disorienting, whether it is a death, whether it's just a bigger change in life, a divorce, a move, an injury that limits you from doing things the way you did in the past, it's disorienting.
Speaker B:And that's why structure, he thought, would be so beneficial for me.
Speaker B:Actually, he didn't think it.
Speaker B:He knew it, he knew it, he knew it.
Speaker B:And I found that golf is a game I like to play.
Speaker B:I could get out and meet people so I could be social.
Speaker B:I wouldn't stay in my sad hole missing him.
Speaker B:I could get out and smile, move my body, be in nature.
Speaker B:We know that nature benefits us in so many ways, and then also make progress in a way that would give me some joy again and move me forward in a new way.
Speaker B:Building a new chapter.
Speaker B:And the game, in and of itself was a small goal to achieve.
Speaker B:Get the ball into the hole in as few strokes as possible and do that over and over again.
Speaker B:It caused me to narrow my focus and be present as opposed to the past or worrying about the future.
Speaker B:It was a great gift, and I'm so thankful that he sparked that idea in me early on.
Speaker A:Did you play golf when you were together or is this.
Speaker A:Was this a new thing we did?
Speaker B:He actually got me into golf.
Speaker B:I thought, I like fast, reactive movement.
Speaker B:And when he introduced me to the game, I knew he was right.
Speaker B:It does require a great amount of coordination and strength and flexibility, as well as a mindset that's not reactive to a ball coming at you.
Speaker B:It's standing over something stationary.
Speaker B:And how can you stay present and hit the ball?
Speaker B:Because if you're thinking about something else, that's not going to happen.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:It is what I'm.
Speaker A:It's the one sport.
Speaker A:Well, I. I say the one sport, but of all the sports that I've picked up and really tried, it's the one I haven't mastered yet.
Speaker A:Like, it's the one that I'm just like, oh, my son just started golfing not too long ago, a couple years ago, and he's actually really good.
Speaker A:And I was like, wow, I don't.
Speaker A:I just never.
Speaker A:I'm like, swinging a miss, swinging a miss, swinging a miss.
Speaker A:So to me, it's not.
Speaker A:It's not one I will ever do.
Speaker A:But I can see.
Speaker A:I mean, I watch it and I watch just the concentration and like you said, the presence of right here, right now, this little ball, that little hole, like nothing in between.
Speaker A:So, but you teach, you talk about mind, body, balance, and that kind of feeds into that, I'm assuming.
Speaker A:So when you talk, let's integrate into that mind, body, balance and the emotional aspect of it for well being and healing.
Speaker A:Can you talk a little bit more on that?
Speaker B:Completely.
Speaker B:Well, it's interesting that you mentioned this, Tammy, because when my father passed away at 13, I was 13, he was 36.
Speaker B:And I used movement back then, playing sports, being on a travel team, funneling movement and health in my body as a way to navigate that situation, which helped me out a lot at the time.
Speaker B:Fast forward to college, I was studying sports kinesiology, really fine tuning how we support this apparatus we embody.
Speaker B:And at the same time, I had a lot of anxiety.
Speaker B:My mind was full of worry and stress.
Speaker B:I had a lot of anger, a lot of negative emotion.
Speaker B:And I thought, how can I be studying wellness?
Speaker B:How can I have this master's degree in wellness and find myself containing this much discontent?
Speaker B:And it felt like a battle inside.
Speaker B:It was about that time I found yoga through a friend and she said, try this.
Speaker B:I know you've tried it before and that was too slow for you, but come to my class.
Speaker B:And it was a way for me to challenge my body in a new way, to breathe on purpose and to give my mind some latitude that even in the discomfort or the challenging posture, because we have these challenging times in life, can I breathe through it?
Speaker B:Can I find some equanimity?
Speaker B:Can I be bigger than the moment?
Speaker B:And that really started me on a trajectory to understand that the mind really does play a role in how our body not only functions, but how we can find a sense of equanimity.
Speaker B:We can find an inner peace.
Speaker B:We can acknowledge the moment of whatever is around us and say there's more.
Speaker B:And can we lean into that without having to rush or be stressed or try to control every nuance of it?
Speaker B:Because that didn't work in my past.
Speaker B:So the mind, body connection, really addressing the whole of us is a practice that we get to be invited into over and over and over again.
Speaker A:I love it, and I love too that you kind of took both aspects.
Speaker A:So you did the physical, get it out of your system, run it out, shake it out, jump it out, kick it out, whatever that was.
Speaker A:And then you did the let's also slow it down and let's be present.
Speaker A:Because two totally different things and two totally different ways of releasing all of that negativity, but both very, very effective.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:If we look at that mind, the thoughts, the beliefs we hold, you look at the emotional spectrum that we have and you have the body, if they were to have, if you imagine them as gears working together, if something happens in one of those areas, it can cause either grinding or sometimes a halt that we experience in life.
Speaker B:And we can go into the mind, we can start to change our beliefs, we can look at the lens through which we view the world and ourselves.
Speaker B:We can find those negative emotions and start to shift back to that positive end of the spectrum.
Speaker B:We can move the body, we can inter interject there and start to then watch the body change how we think and feel.
Speaker B:And what I find very interesting is we can remove those blocks and get our system moving in harmony again.
Speaker B:The alignment, the coherence that we like, we know it feels good.
Speaker B:And yet what's interesting is if we haven't necessarily addressed a root issue, you find that you grind to a halt again or life becomes a little more challenging.
Speaker B:And that's where I think it's really wonderful to have a set of tools to say, okay, I know how to move my body, I know how to address my mind, I know how to start to feel better.
Speaker B:And that way you can immediately come back into a flow and also have a long term strategy to get back there when things get tough.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:So when you're dealing with something, I mean you dealt with something pretty tragic, I mean, the loss of your husband, that's clearly a tragedy.
Speaker A:And even though there was, I don't know how much the time was leading up to that.
Speaker A:But what were some of the steps that you took at that moment?
Speaker A:Like right then when you were in the crisis situation.
Speaker B:We talked about the breath moments ago.
Speaker B:I think your breath is one of the greatest tools to recalibrate the nervous system.
Speaker B:Life is going to be a roller coaster.
Speaker B:We can't control what's going to trigger us energetically.
Speaker B:So when stress happens, we can breathe fast, rapid.
Speaker B:That's the body's response to prepare us to fight or flee.
Speaker B:And yet we can also step in and start to breathe.
Speaker B:So let's say you inhale through the nose and exhale like you're going to breathe out through a straw.
Speaker B:That's one of the best ways to start soothing the nervous system again.
Speaker B:Have the air move past your vagus nerve to calm the body.
Speaker B:Maybe it's inhaling to a count of three and exhaling to a count of five.
Speaker B:Breathing out more deliberately and with A longer duration to soothe the system and bring it back to balance.
Speaker B:That's just one example to say, okay, we're sitting in a doctor's office, this is stressful.
Speaker B:I can breathe.
Speaker B:No one has to know what I'm doing.
Speaker B:Just breathe.
Speaker B:And I'm helping myself and being open minded and receptive to the next best idea or opportunity or piece of information that can help us in the direction we're going.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And I always tell people when you're doing that, deep breath in, you know, keep your mind out of it.
Speaker A:I always say go to the mind before the, go to the body before the story.
Speaker A:Body before story.
Speaker A:Just because when you're taking, taping, taking that deep breath in, if you're breathing in, thinking, oh my God, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks, this sucks.
Speaker A:And breathing and then breathing out, I need peace.
Speaker A:Like, no, you need to just be like, okay, deep breath in.
Speaker A:I focus on my breathing.
Speaker A:Like literally three in, five out, three in, five out.
Speaker A:And then where am I feeling this?
Speaker A:How is this calming me?
Speaker A:Because your mind is so reactive and especially when you're in crisis, because you're literally dealing with a different part of your mind.
Speaker A:You're not dealing with the logical, intelligent part.
Speaker A:I say you're dealing with the reactive mind.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker B:And the senses are your gateway to the present moment.
Speaker B:That worried mind that you're talking about is filtering all the past survival mechanisms.
Speaker B:This is great.
Speaker B:We want to keep living, we want to be breathing and moving, and yet we can't control the future.
Speaker B:So if you can, like you said, look at the senses.
Speaker B:Feel my legs in the chair, my feet on the ground, notice your lungs expand, the ribs moving, your shoulders dropping down, softening your jaw.
Speaker B:If you can get into the sensory elements, feel the temperature in the room that allows you, in conjunction with the breath, to really anchor yourself right here, right now.
Speaker B:And it's great that you notice the mind is going crazy because it's gonna do that.
Speaker B:As great as we are in mindset mastery, I've been meditating for two plus decades, my mind still does it too.
Speaker B:Acknowledging that it's going to be a little crazy.
Speaker B:And you can just, you know, give it a, a note that, okay, I hear you, I'm just not going to give you the microphone and go back to your senses.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:And that's a great way to put it is just kind of, you breathe in, the mind starts going.
Speaker A:It's like, we'll get back to that.
Speaker A:Breathe out.
Speaker A:Like, that's, that's literally like, thank you for that.
Speaker A:Awareness.
Speaker A:Now we'll get back to that because it's.
Speaker A:It's really important that you're dealing with from a calm state when you have to make decisions, when you have to actually produce or be creative.
Speaker A:I mean, you can't be creative when you're in that reactive mind.
Speaker A:And like you said, you started a cookbook.
Speaker A:You went into that creative side of your mind because you were doing something that was in the present, peaceful grounding.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Are you familiar with Jill Bolte Taylor's work?
Speaker B:She wrote a book called Whole Whole Body Living or Whole.
Speaker B:It's Whole Brain Living.
Speaker A:Whole Brain Living.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:You're familiar with it?
Speaker A:Yes, I've heard.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:It's great.
Speaker B:I think that's a really nice way to look at our whole self because we have that voice that's going to want to keep us safe.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We have that logical, intelligent mind that's going to allow us to manage our tasks and focus in a way that we can prioritize and still move forward.
Speaker B:We have that right brain emotional center with the left brain and right brain emotional center.
Speaker B:That is thrilling.
Speaker B:That's engaging, that is present.
Speaker B:It likes to be here.
Speaker B:And then that right side of our brain that's present.
Speaker B:And knowing we're part of a bigger whole and the more we can acknowledge those different elements of us and let them be a team instead of trying to kick somebody out of the group, we can say, yes, I honor your opinion.
Speaker B:I hear your voice and still make a better decision, knowing which.
Speaker B:Which part of you is in control right then and there.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's like internal family systems with the parts system.
Speaker A:You know, you're just like.
Speaker A:I mean, and people, people like.
Speaker A:I mean, first big message is your body is always and always has been and always will be trying to protect you no matter what.
Speaker A:It's safety first.
Speaker A:So all of those, all of that spinning, all of that subconscious stuff that all came from so far way back when.
Speaker A:And that's why, you know, it's like I say, when you're.
Speaker A:When you're anxious or you have anxiety, it's three things.
Speaker A:You're either or two things.
Speaker A:Or.
Speaker A:But it could be a third.
Speaker A:The third is the best place to be.
Speaker A:But you're either reacting from memories of something that happened a long time ago which are too late to fix and you had no control over it, or you're catastrophizing.
Speaker A:Catastrophizing.
Speaker A:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Why can't I say that?
Speaker B:You got it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Or you're.
Speaker A:You're thinking about something that could possibly happen because of memories of the past which have nothing to do with now.
Speaker A:And, and so it's like you have to get, you have to kind of push those two aside and you have to get right back to center and you have to get right back to now.
Speaker A:And the body, I truly believe the body in the breath.
Speaker A:Like you said, you can be anywhere and you can breathe.
Speaker A:Nobody's going to be like, look at that person over there, they're breathing.
Speaker B:You know, it's a great secret weapon to keep in your pocket.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:Now you talk a lot about techniques are simple.
Speaker A:So I'm assuming you're using a lot of breathing techniques is that the majority of your work is helping people breathe.
Speaker A:With the yoga and everything.
Speaker B:Yogic pranayama is wonderful.
Speaker B:Somatic breathing is a, I'm not a practitioner for somatic breathing.
Speaker B:It's just something I recommend as a tool right to use.
Speaker B:We often rewrite those programs.
Speaker B:You talk about those limiting beliefs, those ideas that are in our mind and you're aware that maybe that's not a match anymore.
Speaker B:Or as I like to think of words, don't teach.
Speaker B:It's life experience that does.
Speaker B:Here I am driving to get my new van and I'm ready to sell the old van.
Speaker B:And the old van has all these memories attached to it.
Speaker B:As eager as I am for this new adventure, this new chapter of my life, I found myself backing into a mailbox.
Speaker B:Now I've driven across the country 30 plus times.
Speaker B:I've towed trailers, I've trailered boats.
Speaker B:I have had zero incidences.
Speaker B:Well, guess what?
Speaker B:That incident of meeting a mailbox and putting a four foot scratch down the van I'm ready to sell in 48 hours taught me a you don't rush it.
Speaker B:Let the emotions work in their own timeline.
Speaker B:I think of it as moving at the speed of trust, processing in a way that we don't have to force a deadline.
Speaker B:2.
Speaker B:It brought that belief system to the forefront in a very real, tangible experience.
Speaker B:I had one foot on the gas, ready to go into my next chapter and one foot on the brake.
Speaker B:I, I miss Steve.
Speaker B:I'm not ready to let go.
Speaker B:That's tough for me.
Speaker B:And just because of that, very real tears.
Speaker B:Buying a new mailbox, having a moment in life.
Speaker B:It was an invitation to say, okay, there are still some underlying programs that I'd like to pay attention to and what healing can I do?
Speaker B:And that's true whether it's you're going to hit a seven Iron into the green for your game winning shot.
Speaker B:You know, and you, and you choke.
Speaker B:You choke.
Speaker B:You can't handle the pressure.
Speaker B:It's not that moment, as you just mentioned, it's something in the past.
Speaker B:So we start to look at that.
Speaker B:It's a nice way to say, okay, when we get that resistance out of the way, the beliefs are all in line, then we can start to move forward without.
Speaker B:Without maybe.
Speaker B:I like to think of them, we think of them as unwanted, but I just think they're not our preferences.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:We get to learn from those preferences.
Speaker A:I was just going to say it goes back to looking at everything.
Speaker A:And I truly believe you did.
Speaker A:There was a reason, 100% a reason you backed into that mailbox.
Speaker A:There's a reason for everything.
Speaker A:And like you said, what, okay, why did this happen?
Speaker A:Let's look at what's unprocessed, which still needs to be dealt with, which still needs to be processed.
Speaker A:Really.
Speaker A:And that's it.
Speaker A:And like you said, and it's not, it wasn't your time.
Speaker A:And I, I always say that it's not our time, it's his time.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And can we learn our way forward?
Speaker B:It's not going to be picture perfect, pretty.
Speaker B:That sounds like a fairy tale.
Speaker B:And yet I like the depth.
Speaker B:And if we can learn from those experiences that are more challenging, where we don't perform at our best and we can move again.
Speaker B:I just think of the momentum.
Speaker B:We build the momentum.
Speaker B:We keep showing up, we keep expressing ourselves in new ways, trying new things, practicing the basics.
Speaker B:It does allow us to build some mastery.
Speaker B:And it's really wonderful to start seeing how we can up level the challenge and have the skills that match, whether it's the golf skills physically or the mindset.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And it goes back to looking at, you know, I always give the example and one of the five keys that I talk about all the time, and one of them is just looking at life is happening for you, not to you.
Speaker A:And that's when you can make that mindset shift.
Speaker A:You, you, first of all, you get out of the victim mode.
Speaker A:You get out of the.
Speaker A:It always happens to me because there's always a story you're going to put with it.
Speaker A:And that story is never really real.
Speaker A:It's a story that a thousand other people fed you when you were little.
Speaker A:So it's not your story.
Speaker A:You get to write your story.
Speaker A:But when you can be curious instead of judgmental, like, how was your initial reaction to go, oh my God, I'm so dumb, like, what am I doing?
Speaker A:I haven't wrecked a car ever.
Speaker A:That's your initial, right?
Speaker A:But then it softens and you're like, why did that happen?
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:And I just feel like, go ahead with curiosity.
Speaker B:Maybe I don't know why, maybe I do.
Speaker B:And maybe it's what do I do next?
Speaker B:What do I do with this new set of data?
Speaker B:How do I move forward?
Speaker B:How do I find that alignment?
Speaker B:How do I feel better right now?
Speaker B:Sometimes it's really nice when you have the aha.
Speaker B:And sometimes it might come later.
Speaker B:And sometimes I found maybe I just needed the note to say, wake up, pay attention differently, choose a different path.
Speaker B:I like nudges.
Speaker B:I'd prefer not to back into mailboxes.
Speaker B:And, and, and I also like to live boldly.
Speaker B:So I'm here for it all.
Speaker B:I'd like to pay attention.
Speaker B:I'm ready.
Speaker A:Well, and I always say, you know, it's like you get the nudge and then it's like the nudge gets a little harder and it gets a little harder.
Speaker A:And I remember when I wanted to write my book and I kept saying, I gotta write a book.
Speaker A:I like, wanna write a book.
Speaker A:I wanna start coaching, I wanna start doing this.
Speaker A:And then I was at a Yankee game with my son and wiped out on a scooter and tore five ligaments in my knees and oops.
Speaker A:But perfect time to write a book.
Speaker A:I, I, it was, you know, I had a guest on a couple, couple months ago and he talked all about the terrible gifts and that like that, you backing into the mailbox.
Speaker A:That was a terrible gift because you did get something out of it.
Speaker A:And you right, you're right.
Speaker A:You might not see it for months down the road, but there's a reason those things happen.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And it speaks right back to your element of curiosity.
Speaker B:What can I learn from this?
Speaker B:What's new about this?
Speaker B:How can I benefit from this?
Speaker B:What new opportunities, what new doors are going to open because of this?
Speaker A:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker A:So I want to go back to your techniques because I know you use breathing and you use your breath and you use the mind, body connection and everything else.
Speaker A:You said that they're constant, they're simple.
Speaker A:And I always say that healing is not difficult, it's very simple steps.
Speaker A:But it's practice and it's consistency and it's actually doing the work.
Speaker A:When you say that it's, there's simple strategies, but you need consistency or they're constant, what exactly what does that mean to you and your business?
Speaker B:I, with my golfers, we talk about the Pivot pathway.
Speaker B:And the pivot is just an acronym for steps we take before shot to remove distractions and stay focused.
Speaker B:And yet in life, every single day, we have moments, we get to pivot.
Speaker B:And what does that start with?
Speaker B:A pause.
Speaker B:I think deliberately starting your day with a pause.
Speaker B:Mindfulness training, meditation, something to assess what's going on in the moment and check in with that internal landscape.
Speaker B:If there's resistance that you see show up right away, we can use other tools.
Speaker B:Maybe you just let it flow through you and pay attention and we do something later.
Speaker B:Maybe it's detaching from that outcome and setting a new course instead.
Speaker B:So this pause of I'm here, I'm getting familiar with what's going on.
Speaker B:Many of us are so busy that sitting still for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, 15 minutes, a 10 day silent retreat.
Speaker B:Are you crazy?
Speaker B:The pause doesn't have to be super dramatic to begin with, but starting to build that in creating our day on purpose, taking pauses throughout the day, reassessing every time you and I switch topics.
Speaker B:New segment, new segment.
Speaker B:You and I are having a conversation, someone jumps in.
Speaker B:New segment.
Speaker B:These ideas of micro changes, these fluctuations in our day.
Speaker B:If we pause, we have the capacity to see how we want to feel.
Speaker B:Notice how we're feeling already.
Speaker B:If we're out of balance, can we get back to balance?
Speaker B:Can we breathe?
Speaker B:Can we use some other ideas?
Speaker B:Can we communicate differently?
Speaker B:Can we take a break for ourselves if we're now feeling burned out or overwhelmed?
Speaker B:And that's going to look different for all of us at different times.
Speaker B:But it starts with the pause.
Speaker B:And that's a really big skill to start to learn.
Speaker A:Mm.
Speaker A:And they say it in every niche and every.
Speaker A:Every.
Speaker A:Everywhere I go, there's power in the pause.
Speaker A:Power in the pause.
Speaker A:It gives you.
Speaker A:I've said that.
Speaker A:And it was.
Speaker A:It's funny because I grew up with some pretty reactive parents, especially a reactive mother.
Speaker A:And I remember when I became a mom, I was always like, okay, I will not react until I take a deep breath and count to five.
Speaker A:Like, I will not do that.
Speaker A:I won't have these knee jerk reactions.
Speaker A:And I still do it to this day.
Speaker A:Like at work, when stuff happened.
Speaker A:It happened three times yesterday at work.
Speaker A:And I had to be like, okay, just, just a second.
Speaker A:And then what came out of my mouth was definitely different than what would have had I not had that pause.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And what a great gift for yourself and the people you're with.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So you're.
Speaker A:So it's your pivot that's the.
Speaker A:That's the big thing.
Speaker A:You think that those micro moments.
Speaker B:Yeah, pivot.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:If we're going to go through those briefly, you pause, you set your intention.
Speaker B:You're looking ahead.
Speaker B:I know where I'm going.
Speaker B:You find the potential obstacles.
Speaker B:You find a strategy that's going to work based on your day, your skill set, your energy.
Speaker B:We talk about visualizing, so not just seeing that, but internalizing it.
Speaker B:Eyes, senses, hearing.
Speaker B:It's like feeling.
Speaker B:We are feeling beings who think, how can I feel that idea?
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:We take an out breath, we really release and let go because we have created now.
Speaker B:And then you have to step into the T, which is trust, taking the action, knowing you're going to do the best you can and see what happens.
Speaker B:Because guess what?
Speaker B:After that action we take, we get to do it all over again.
Speaker B:You're going to get feedback.
Speaker B:And if we trust the work we're already doing, we don't have to control or be so tense or tight.
Speaker B:That reduces the coordination of your swing.
Speaker B:It reduces our capacity, I think, to be present and interact and be wholehearted.
Speaker B:So trust is a really wonderful skill to also build, not just with yourself, but the decisions you're making and how you can take the new information you're getting and make it work for you.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So I love that.
Speaker A:C I V O T. So it was pause, intention, intend, visualize.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Visualize outcome, trust, out breath.
Speaker B:Because we want to out breath.
Speaker B:That's the pivot moment.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker B:Because there is this element, I find, as intentional living, we want to set something forward.
Speaker B:We have an idea.
Speaker B:It might not be visible to anybody else yet, but we have the idea.
Speaker B:And by breathing out, you're going, okay, I know what I'm going to do.
Speaker B:And I'm stepping into trust to take the action.
Speaker B:I know my body has the skill set to do it.
Speaker B:If you're giving a presentation you know, you've prepared, you're ready, you can take the breath out and start to talk.
Speaker B:It's this idea that we do have the skills we want, and if you don't have them and you still take action, you're going to learn how to refine and make it better next time.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And I love that you can literally apply this to any circumstance.
Speaker A:So it could be a fight with your spouse.
Speaker A:You know, pause, pause, intention, visualize out, breath, trust.
Speaker A:You can put it into everything.
Speaker A:A great big bill comes in the mail that you weren't expecting.
Speaker A:Same process.
Speaker A:And I could literally.
Speaker A:You could put it into anything.
Speaker A:Like, that is a.
Speaker A:That's a.
Speaker A:A mic drop, a ching.
Speaker A:Thank you for that, Kim.
Speaker A:Because that's something.
Speaker A:It's a tool.
Speaker A:And I love for people to have those tangible tools.
Speaker B:I use it all the time.
Speaker B:And I like the word pivot.
Speaker B:It means shifting.
Speaker B:You're turning does.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's bigger and sometimes it's smaller.
Speaker B:Sometimes the pauses are short, sometimes the pauses are long.
Speaker B:And I find that within the pivot pathway, we get to learn how to intend with more clarity.
Speaker B:We get to take in those senses and build in the trust.
Speaker B:We get to take those different elements and expand them.
Speaker B:We get to learn and grow with them.
Speaker B:And it's endless.
Speaker B:The opportunities are endless.
Speaker A:And also so much about learning about yourself and knowing that kind of healing is not linear.
Speaker A:There's no A to Z.
Speaker A:So in this, in this situation, there's no key to T, like automatically, instantly.
Speaker A:But you see where you're stuck.
Speaker A:You can see where, okay, I'm not taking that out breath yet.
Speaker A:I don't feel that peace.
Speaker A:Well, you haven't truly visualized and felt yourself in that situation then.
Speaker A:So go back to the V. Like, I'm just thinking, you know, I literally, like I'm saying A to Z.
Speaker A:This is a P to T. But notice where the, where you're getting held up.
Speaker A:Like, if you react immediately, then we have to stop there.
Speaker A:It's kind of like a five step program.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Five steps.
Speaker A:I like steps is much better than the 12 step.
Speaker A:But, you know, and even in a 12 step program, you don't go on to step two until you've really got the hold on step one.
Speaker A:And you can.
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:You're embracing it.
Speaker A:So I'm going to just challenge people out there today to just start with the pause.
Speaker A:Baby steps.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And it's fun.
Speaker B:Like, say, for example, we're having this conversation and if you're listening to this, there's going to be something between when this podcast ends and what's next.
Speaker B:So I might take my little notepad and write pivot, pause.
Speaker B:What am I going to intend?
Speaker B:What am I doing next?
Speaker B:I'm walking in to pick up my kids from school.
Speaker B:I want them to feel loved and nurtured and that I'm so excited to see them.
Speaker B:And then the visualization.
Speaker B:Visualization is maybe something as simple as feeling that excitement, as vibrant as you can with where in your body is that?
Speaker B:Maybe it's a smile that naturally erupts on your face.
Speaker B:I do that thinking of picking up my nieces and nephews.
Speaker B:It's a vibrancy.
Speaker B:And then you take a breath out and trust that this next segment is going to be great and you get out of your car and you go in and pick up your child.
Speaker B:So it's this idea that whatever is next for you in the moment, it can be something that becomes very fine tuned and simple.
Speaker B:It's not meant to be rocket science.
Speaker B:It's just the next segment.
Speaker B:How can I pivot?
Speaker B:How can I be my best self right here, right now?
Speaker A:Amen.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:Thank you for that.
Speaker A:You're welcome.
Speaker A:So if you had to go back and think now just, I'm going, I'm spinning all the way around.
Speaker A:You are now living your best life.
Speaker A:You're in a camper, right?
Speaker A:Are you in a, in an RV or do you just have one?
Speaker B:I do have my van.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:At the speed of trust, I was set to finish my 100 courses in honor of Steve and this new path right before Christmas.
Speaker B:And my dog had an injury, a surgery based injury where we take.
Speaker B:We've been at home for months.
Speaker B:This is the longest I've been in one place in multiple years.
Speaker B:And what a gift to settle in to do physical therapy for her, to meet people like you, to start doing podcasts, to create a whole more balanced approach to my life.
Speaker B:And then guess what?
Speaker B:When it warms up and when summer comes around, I'll finish my goal.
Speaker B:No one's going to be mad at me that I didn't have a checklist and a timeline, that it's just me being critical or rushed in something.
Speaker B:So, yes, I do have a van.
Speaker B:I spend a lot of time in it and, and life happens.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:And, and honestly, golf is the best place you can do that because what an amazing view and what an amazing, you know, you could travel.
Speaker A:There's golf courses everywhere.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter where you go.
Speaker A:There's a golf course and beautiful, most, usually the most majestic views and I mean, the most beautiful places I've seen in the world were, in my world, were on golf courses.
Speaker A:I didn't play garden.
Speaker A:Yes, it really is.
Speaker A:I mean, I didn't play.
Speaker A:I usually sat on the golf cart and drove.
Speaker A:But it's okay.
Speaker A:It was okay.
Speaker A:It was my, my relaxation.
Speaker A:But wow, that's cool.
Speaker A:My daughter actually has been living off grid for, I think two years in a van, in a camper.
Speaker B:Does she like it?
Speaker A:She loves it, but yeah, she absolutely loves it.
Speaker A:She's actually on her way right now to drop off her camper, pick up a truck, topper to go To Alaska for the summer.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:So with a dog and two cats.
Speaker A:So you are not alone.
Speaker A:I get it, I get it.
Speaker A:So, so.
Speaker A:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:So if people want to work with you, talk with you, how do they find you?
Speaker B:The best place to find me is@swagtail.com it's the hub.
Speaker B:You can dive into books, you can get free resources.
Speaker B:There are a lot of articles.
Speaker B:It'll link you to my YouTube channel, which has videos and you can learn about the mind and body.
Speaker B:You can learn about specific techniques.
Speaker B:You can take a yoga class.
Speaker B:You can be inspired by, say, stories from Miracle on the mountainside.
Speaker B:Swagtail.com is a great place to start.
Speaker B:And then you can dive down any rabbit hole that would pique your interest.
Speaker A:Sounds good.
Speaker A:Tell us about your book.
Speaker B:Miracle on the Mountainside is the result of Steve's life, actually.
Speaker B:He had a motorcycle accident.
Speaker B:You talk about a nudge, went over a cliff, 28 reconstructive surgeries, three years in a hospital bed, and three more to learn how to walk.
Speaker B:That was at age 40 and before I met him.
Speaker B:That was his invitation to say, oh, I'm not going to be a victim anymore.
Speaker B:I'm willing to face the fear of starting over.
Speaker B:I'm willing to speak honestly.
Speaker B:And the book starts out with the accident.
Speaker B:It's very short stories of him looking back at his youth and early years to say, wow, I learned something.
Speaker B:I can look at that life experience through the lens of love and forgiveness and understanding and wow.
Speaker B:I had a near death experience.
Speaker B:I had a nurse hear me say I want to save my leg, even though I couldn't have spoken with tubes down my nose or my throat.
Speaker B:And they saved my leg.
Speaker B:So these amazing stories of how he started to get well, how he started to take control of his life, live intentionally.
Speaker B:I come in at the very end at the chapter where we started our marriage and it ends with him writing his last letter of peace before he made his transition.
Speaker B:So it's a very short story, fun way to understand these life principles.
Speaker B:It's a page turner.
Speaker B:He had a really interesting life.
Speaker A:That's pretty cool.
Speaker A:So if you're listening out there, go grab that because that's how we like information too.
Speaker A:We like it.
Speaker A:Little tidbits, little snippets.
Speaker A:No, Nobody has time to sit down and read a 500 page book.
Speaker A:Honestly.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:And it is on audio form.
Speaker B:So if you like to walk and garden and be outside and listen.
Speaker B:Ben Hauck from New York did an incredible job as the voice of Steve Okay.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:That is amazing.
Speaker A:So tell us how you work with people.
Speaker B:I work with people mainly in two ways.
Speaker B:The first is I have a brilliant becoming monthly workshop.
Speaker B:That's where you get a tool.
Speaker B:You can do the research online, and yet it's so nice to get the instant feedback.
Speaker B:So we do tools, mindbody tools.
Speaker B:One a month, and you get that instant feedback.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:And the second is one on one through my focused golfer program.
Speaker B:And that's again, using this more specifically in the world of golf, to have the peak performance without being attached to the outcome.
Speaker B:The work along the way helps the outcome take care of itself.
Speaker A:Amazing.
Speaker A:So they can.
Speaker A:And they can find all of that.
Speaker A:And I'll put all the links in there.
Speaker A:So thank you so much, Kim, for coming on.
Speaker A:I really appreciate you.
Speaker A:You gave us a lot of wisdom.
Speaker B:Thank you for having me.
Speaker B:I appreciate you so much.
Speaker A:And for everybody else out there listening, I'm going to challenge you again.
Speaker A:Pivot today.
Speaker A:Make one small pivot.
Speaker A:Start with that pause.
Speaker A:It's baby steps.
Speaker A:But no.
Speaker A:2, Do it with all.
Speaker A:With curiosity, zero judgment.
Speaker A:You are, no matter what happened to you, no matter what your past looks like, you are right where you need to be right now.
Speaker A:And just think to yourself, what do I need today?
Speaker A:To move forward just a tiny bit.
Speaker A:Just a tiny, tiny bit.
Speaker A:Because.
Speaker A:Because every little step matters.
Speaker A:So you guys all have a blessed week, and we will talk to you soon.
Speaker A:Love you all.
